#uhmmm.. good things. good things..
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somebodyyy tell scam to stop dwelling on the past
#camera talks#and by that i mean i feel ill (mentally bc im never very well and im very anxious about some things.....)#and its not just the dwelling on the past thing but its Mainly that ?#i think. maybe... it might not be#i think im overthinking everything ever again and i want to....... be calm again or smth#to the irl in my house rn you see nothing im doing fine and Not rotting in my room and im going to work on my hw eventually#i sorta promise#uhmmm.. good things. good things..#i need to get back into journaling i will die without it. thats not a good thing. anyways#relistened to the s14 wbg finale at work today (twice) and i have thoughts about that but its mainly <3333 i love [character] <3333#so i dont have much to talk about#im going to go back to doing character things for bap because i dont want to do anything else..#or maybe i'll read my hw book outloud#sighhhh. i need a way to sink into the soft earth and feel the dirt in my lungs
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Today's experiment: weavechat connect + possibly sherpa tts on the fire tablet i have. It's small, old, and certainly not up to date, but if it's possible to run an aac app i like on it...
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#[адк] related#well; we'll see if writing it out in the post makes it show up in the tag. if so — sorry! doing my best not to take up space unwanted 😵💫#anyways the tablet has literally negative space even after i cleared it out to the best of my ability#so the prognosis isn't good. but it's possibly usable.#if sherpa tts works than i might see about getting it an sd card...? it wouldnt need a lot. 16 or 32 gb would be an upgrade!#(for my phone on the other hand i'd need like a 1tb sd card to continue using it the way i normally do. that is to say 5 million apps ...#... and cat pictures.)#uhmmm ya. i should do things on my to do list while i wait for it to charge
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just cleaned our fridgeee.
#<- forgot that we turned it off#it’s been off for a while#so uhmmm yeas needed a clean#good thing it only had bottles of alcohol in it LMAOOO
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I can't find my binder and I'm wearing a pair of different bandaids for the nipples it's a fucking sensory nightmare I feel like I'm going to puke
#sorry about the negativity uhmmm it's actually a good thing happening but I'm. ugm not good.#I don't even know how to tag it so that people who don't want to know about it can't see it. if there are suggestions I guess#personal
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u all have to pretend u don't notice anything if i change my GGG self-insert's design a billion times, okay?
#i just have so many ideas of things I want to draw so i am speedrunning the design process fhdkdl#and that. is not good for the design LMAO.#i have a hard time w designing self inserts fjdkdl and im trying to get one out in 24 hours here 😭#anyways uhmmm I'll see if i have any doodles to post tonight ... yes i changed my si's design already ....#dandy.cmd
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Honestly why am I fucking Like This
#speculation nation#im still overcompensating i know#i got the everliving shit scared outta me and had one of the most humiliating days of my life#and ive been working so hard on being Useful that i have been. putting in a Lot of extra hours...#i didnt Have to do all of this today. i stayed late to do it. 1.5 hours of active lifting the Entire Time#plus some work with counting and general managerial stuff#so that i stayed 2 hours and 20 mins over my 5 hour shift#and im just like. in the moment i was just so bothered by how disorganized everything was#i couldnt find where the Fucking lids were. ended up they were buried under a bunch of other stuff.#so i dug them out. reorganized. did a Ton of lifting.#like... uhmmm. 9 large boxes 7 regular boxes 4 straws 10 sippy lids and 31 dome lids#boxes. all boxes.#oh yeah and 8 paper bag boxes. plus general rearranging.#none of the lids were in one place and all the cups boxes were on top of the other boxes#so i had to pull them out to dig things out then put them back in#the good news is the lids boxes were pretty light. cup boxes not so much.#but thats still. kind of an insane number when i think about it.#i didnt NEED to do this. but i did anyways. because im a neurotic prey animal working desperately to keep the anger away from me#wahoooooo#it's... fine. it feels good to be productive. im just feeling... a bit fed up with myself.#my hip has already been bothering me today bc there always has to be Something wrong with my body#and then i went and did This. who knows what fucking unpleasant side effects this is gonna have on me.#sore muscles probably. maybe bruises. and MAYBE ill fuck my back or ankles up again. or make my hip worse. or#whatever.#it's fine. i'll be fine. im gonna go home and eat dinner and... chill. im gonna chill.#just. ugh.#but im clocked out at least. and i have tomorrow off. i'll make sure it's a good one.
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It's strange for me having not been on this blog for a good bit, consistently that is. I hope each and every one of you could find a small joy in your day to carry with you. Remember to be gentle with yourself even when everything else comes down hard. You deserve nourishment just as much as anyone, you are not the exception.
#tae.txt#Aside from my semi-solitude today I went to the art thing and we did some hand studies. I am awful when it comes to hands but this was a#nice little homework to do and I used my hand for reference. ME AND MY HOMIES HATE DRAWING HANDS—#but uhmmm it was a good day of being with my gf and her friends after the art stuff and then waddling back to work tomorrow#then my whole week will be filled from appointments to random work meeting om a day I don't work 🥹 SO EARLY AND FOR WHAT#but uhmmm yeah...I suppose I've been okay even though I haven't really been here and I miss spam reblogging here but I do think#that my semi-breaks from this one in particular has been good because I've been able to allow myself to dive into things rather than endles#scrolling on tumblr dot com ( albeit scrolling elsewhere only briefly ) but it's done me good in a sense#I'll probably be back to spamming here soon with all the lovely peoples wonderful content#willdele.
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staff is soooo funny. The posts I see ARE good and varied because I curated my dash that way💕💕 If your dash sucks that sound like a you problem💗 follow more or cooler people maybe✌ My dash will countinue to be full of good and varied posts because I will continue to follow more and cooler people💕💕 If I see the same post over and over whether it is 5 times or 50, it is because I WANT it that way🙄
Hope this helps😗👍
#liiiike the solution is simple?#why does staff decide what is “good and varied” MY good and varied is different than one persons ofc but uhmmm let me continue#to do my thing#mind ya buisness fix the bot problem#the buggy tags#THE SUPPORT REPORT PAGE THAT DOESNT WORK!!!!#anyways#sealingknight.txt.ramble
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i think theres something really sick and sadistic about having extreme depression in spring/summer. like the sun is out its warm out i COULD go do things if i wanted to since im not snowed in but honest to god 9/10 times i will feel no better than i did during the winter at this moment.
#the only time im like REALLY not feeling this at least not for long is my weekly hangout club i go to but thats only once a week#so ive been feeling fucked up every other day of the week#im literally sitting in the sun coming through the glsss door looking outside and im STILL like :/ wow depressions kicking my ass :/#still kinda wanna **** ****** Badly#like i know spring and summer isnt a cure all and its probably actually better than mt winter depression but its the combo of like#beint able to maybe do things but then not. doing anything bc i dont feel good#sorry if im like. gettinf increasingly more concerning its just been uhmmm. bad couple of months! but ill survive or whatever#i fucking hate 2023 to my core cant it be over already
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theres a phenomenon that happens on here i have been calling "normalize loving parents posting" which is when you spend a lot of time on tumblr and are exposed to a lot of one specific counter-cultural narrative day in and day out until you start to forget what the dominant ideas are for most of the human population and thus feel the need to "defend" things that are widely accepted and popular. it's called this because of the time a bunch of text posts about shitty dads were circulating and then people with good relationships with their dad didn't feel included enough and started making "uhmmm can we normalize loving parents? not everyone has a deadbeat dad, MY dad is great" type posts, seemingly forgetting that good relationship with dad is a cultural norm that is expected and encouraged. i think its good practice, especially when im annoyed, to stop before i hit the post button and ask myself if this is a real issue or if im normalize loving parents posting. because often im about to try to normalize loving parents
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i am soooo sorry to ppl who actually read these posts, i am so bitter and sad on here, and thats not what i usually am, im sorry :(
#Blehgh#Positivity time... uhmmm....#Oh! I cant wait for winter break! Then Id have the time to make someone a gift :3#Im only good at two things#Being nice! (Sometimes im bitter though)#And creation! (I hope so)#So im making them a nice gift!#I hope they like it...#Ive gotten 3 gifts for friends already!
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sometime i worry that my prescription so low tghat i dont realsies need glasses but then i take them off and i realise that , no , there is a reason ( i cant see </3 )
#☆♪♪#things barely arm length away become noticeabvly fuzzy#i think why i tihnk that is jus because my siblings prescription r higher than mine#and for good reason#( theyre older )#( my vision is going to get worse </3 )#i can still read#but it litle difficuly bcause letters and words kind of blend togethr a bit#so uhmmm i dont has to worry i do need my glasses :3
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God hopepunk is such a stupid word
#delete later skater#its a real thing its a real thing i know i know. but god it feels void of any substance#you can call anything hopepunk#uhmmm uhmmmmm fightclub is hopepunk bcs the narrator rejected tyler durden and the credit unions exploded which is good bcs capitalism is#a dystopia. and theres implication of a better future#i just woke up im bitchy
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it was really a punch to the gut
#vent#@_@#still thinking about it..... i shouldnt have pushed him to say it#i really am the common factor in making things worse#i keep rereading the convo and every time it makes me feel sick#i wish i wasnt so stupid#im sorry :( i wish i could be good#ugh at least i got rid of the channel i guess#i need to very much Not complain and whine thats the cause of all of this#oh. and i did that. forgot#makes sense ebcause it was late at night i think..#i feel like ive done it recently before that time but i cant remember#maybe i was just thinking about the lab video time#whatever :/ as long as i follow the rules it should be fine#i should google some stuff tho to make theres no ***** tho#ok wait im actually kinda worried that ***** will show up uhmmmmmm#cause i did i tighter than usual .. eek >_< i hope i havent fucked myself over UHMMM LOL. UHM
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stardew valley 👍
#MY FRIEND !!!!! BOUGHT IT FOR ME !!!!!!!!#even tho i said TO NOT BUY ME THINGS#anyways much excited. its cute. im on day 4 or 5 i think#i am not doing good at this game tho so uhmmm. yeah. i need to pull out my mouse bc the laptop trackpad aint doin it for me#anyways. if anyone has tips or stuff you think would be helpful for a first-time stardew player. lmk :3
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being sevika's clueless, pretty girlfriend.
she's having you hold her arm steady as she repairs it. you're perched on a desk while she's on a chair right in front of you. stiff, frozen metal laid across your pillowy lap. big eyes wondering down at each gear and wire as she leans against your knees to screw a joint into place.
"this thing doesn't look like you at all..."
"yeah, baby, 's an arm."
"no! like, uhm, it looks... fun?"
sevika glances up through her thick lashes, a brow raising curiously and lips curving sideways, "i'm not fun?"
"you're like if the color orange was a person."
"good thing?"
"uh-huh!"
"good."
your knee starts bouncing at some point - sevika sighs and shoots you a soft glare,
"baby," she presses, "stop moving."
"oh, sorry!"
"'s okay," she mutters, "you're real antsy today. need to get up?"
"no, i'm fine." disbelief is written clear over her face, you melt under the mere notion and shrug, "i guess i could get out... in a bit... whenever you're done."
"i've done what i can today," she sits up, a harsh ache panging up her spine and through each rib, "you wanna go out? where?"
"uhmmm," you purse your lips as sevika attaches her clunky new arm -a faint guilt stings through your gut; today was meant to be about slimming the design. cutting jinx's fatty, maximalist design wherever possible.
sevika slices that shame where it sprouts, "'uhm's not a place. i told you those piltover guides are shit scams."
"i know, i know, uhmmm... let me think!"
"okay."
"sev' you're gonna hate me..."
"what's up, baby?" she helps you off the desk with her organic hand, looking down at you passively.
"i have no idea where i wanna go..."
"want me to pick?" she grins when you nod, eyes scrunching cutely. yanking you into her side, sevika shrugs cooly, "can't start hating you 'cuz your head's empty, baby, it's what makes us so good together."
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